Coffee Craze
by Ranger Do'Urden
Summary: What happens when Rose gives the Doctor coffee? Why do Timelords avoid the drink? Well, poor Rose is about to find out...


**AN: Well, this is my first venture into the realm of Doctor Who. I love the show so I finally decided to write a fic for this. I hope you enjoy!**

**This story was inspired by Time Lady 802379's Time Lord Plus Coffee Equal Chaos. I highly suggest you go read it, it had me crying with laughter at certain points!**

**Obviously I don't own any of the characters in this or Doctor Who itself. If I did, I never would have let David leave :)**

* * *

"Rose." The woman in question merely groaned and buried her face deeper into her pillows.

"Rose!" The voice called again. Rose pulled the blanket up over her head.

"Rose!" The voice insisted, however something in its tone made Rose pause. Lifting her head, she listened closely. "Rose! Quick, come quickly!" The Doctor yelled from the depths of the Tardis. All hints of laziness gone, Rose jumped out of bed and darted towards the voice. Following the echoes, Rose raced through the impossible ship and narrowly avoided colliding with the Doctor as he rounded the corner.

"Rose! Oh thank Rassilon! Come with me, and hurry!"

Heart hammering in her chest, she followed the frantic alien as he sprinted towards the kitchen.

"Doctor what is it, whats wrong?" She panted, starting to lag behind. She barely avoided another collision as he suddenly came to a stop at a door.

Turning to her with wide eyes, he pointed into the kitchen. "In there," he whispered.

Steeling herself, Rose entered the room warily. The kitchen was a mess. Cupboards were opened haphazardly and their contents spilled across the floor... in other words, like it always looked. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, she turned to the Doctor, question in her eyes.

"Rose, it... it's... terrible, absolutely terrible! We... well, we've run of of TEA!" He finished quickly, hands in his hair throwing it even more askew.

Rose stared at him open mouthed. "Its that it!" She cried, slapping his arm. "I thought something dreadful had happened! I thought we were in danger!"

The Doctor yelped and held his wounded arm. "But.. but Rose!' He whimpered meekly "It's an emergency, we're out of tea! What are we gonna do?"

Rose rolled her eyes and picked up the kettle. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm making myself a drink. Do you want one?"

"But there's no tea." he protested, a look of utter bewilderment across his face.

Repressing a chuckle, Rose continued her brew and soon had two steaming mugs on the table.

"Well go on then," She pointed to a mug. "Drink up."

Eying the mug with excitement, the Doctor picked up the mug and quickly chugged it.

Rose watched this with amusement, wondering not for the first time how he managed to not burn himself.

Suddenly he dropped the mug and looked at her with horror. "Rose," he said carefully. "What was that in that drink."

"What do you mean?"

"Rose tell me right now," He gripped her shoulders tightly. "What was that?"

"It.. it was coffee!" She stammered "Why whats wrong?"

"No no no no no," he murmured to himself, running a hand through his spiky hair. "Oh this is bad, this is very bad..."

"Doctor whats happened!" Rose cried out, frightened by his frantic pacing.

He suddenly froze at the sound of her voice. "You don't understand Rose, I can't drink coffee. Timelords cannot drink coffee, any amount of coffee has a horrible affect on us... And I just drank a whole cup... Oh this is bad. This is very very bad" He continued pacing.

"But why, whats gonna happen Doctor?!"

He looked at her sadly "I'm sorry Rose, I am so so sorry"

"Sorry for what?!"

Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he collapsed.

* * *

_He's gone mad _Rose thought, crouched behind the counter. She knew something had gone wrong the moment he had collapsed. In hindsight she should have run right then, but at the time she didn't know of the horror about to be unleashed. All she knew was that her friend seemed to be having a seizure on the floor. His limbs shook sporadically and he was foaming at the mouth. She had foolishly run closer, trying to help him but his body seized their frantic motions the moment she touched him. He raised his head to look at her and she almost fell back in shock. His eyes were dilated so much she could scarcely see brown irises It was a terrifying sight!

That was almost 20 minutes ago.

"Coffee..." he whispered, searching the kitchen for more of the drink. "Coffee bad." He paused. Rose's heart soared, could it finally be wearing off?

The Doctor shook his head and continued his mantra. "Goodcoffeegoodcoffeegoodcoffeegoodcoffeegoodcoffe egoodcoffeegoodcoffeegoodcoffeeGOODCOFFEEGOODCOFFE EGOODCOFFEE!

By now he was screaming at the top of his lungs, hands desperately gripping the top of his head.

"COFFEE! COFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!"

Rose curled into a ball, desperately trying to hide from the lunatic. Then suddenly... the room fell silent. Praying the coffee had finally released its hold of her friend, she peered around the counter but she couldn't spot him anywhere. Gathering her courage, Rose crawled out of her sanctuary and stood up. Still not seeing him, she began to smile. Thank God, it was finally over! Then she heard heavy breathing... right behind her. Swallowing thickly she turned around and came face to face with the Doctor.

"COFFEE! ILOVECOFFFFFEEEEEEEE!"

She screamed in horror and fell down, frantically scrabbling till her back pressed against the wall of the Tardis.

The Doctor let out a maniacal laugh and ran from the room, still screaming the same word over and over.

Fighting back tears, Rose let her head rest against the wall. "What have I done" She whispered, watching him leave the kitchen and run head-first into the door frame, then jump up like it was nothing and continue his mad flight around the Tardis.

Three days later, Rose was sure he hadn't slept a wink. Or stopped moving for that matter. She had tried to contain him and keep him from getting them killed. To her horror, he seemed very fond of the console. Constantly licking buttons and pulling wires, he actually managed to electrocute himself several times. The first time it happened she had been terrified. He had dropped like a sack of potatoes and didn't move a muscle. Then his eyes shot open and he jumped to his feet, hair smoking and continued singing his song.

"COFFEE COFFEECOFFEE! DOES ROSEY LOVE HER COFFEE?! HAHAHAHA!

Now Rose watched as he somehow managed to shimmy his was up one of the support beams.

"LookatmeRoselookhowhighIamhahathisissomuchfunyous houldgivemecoffeemoreoften!"

"Please come down Doctor!" She hollered.

He merely gave her another one of his mad grins and climbed higher.

"IlovethisregenerationitssolightandflexibleheyRose watchthismylastbodycouldneverdothis!"

"Do what?... oh no Doctor, please don't. I believe you, you don't have to show me!"

Of course the moron ignored her completely. Perched on the very edge of the beam, he gave a loud cry and jumped for the next beam. Rose watched with fascinated horror, hoping against all reason he would make it.

He didn't.

His fingers barely grazed the beam and he gave a triumph laugh. Then his body was falling, brown coat flapping behind him like some deranged bird.

Rose closed her eyes as he hit the ground with a sickening thud.

"Doctor," she cried, running to the place she last saw him. He wasn't there. She felt a hand on her shoulder and spun around. His eyes were still dilated and now he had a large gash on his forehead, making blood drip down his face. He continued to stare at her and swayed dangerously on his feet. Then he began to laugh.

"Thatwassomuchfundidyouseemedidyouseemehaletsdoita gaincanwedoitagainpleaseRoseandowmyheadhurtsdidihi tmyheadonthepoolbecauseitswetidontlikebeingwetRose makeitstop!"

He gave her the best puppy eyes and reached a hand to his head.

Realizing he was starting to calm down, Rose gently grabbed his hand and lead him to the infirmary.

"No Doctor," She said when he tried to prob the wound. "Don't touch that, we're just gonna set you down here and patch you up, ok?"

The Doctor allowed his body to be lead away and stared off into space

Rose eyed him worriedly, afraid he had damaged something from his fall. He hadn't been this compliant in days, maybe he was finally calming down?

"I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas…." He started to sing under his breath. His eyes slid out of focus as blood continued to drip from his forehead and his words slurred together. "I like foo beat…._manzanas _and _ndizii…_"

"Come on Doctor, just a bit further," Rose murmured, pushing him gently into the chair. Getting some disinfectant, Rose tried to clean the wound. However as soon as the liquid touched the wound, the Doctor screamed and jumped away like it burned him.

"NonononononoRoseidontlikeouchystuffpleasedontgive meouchystuffithurts!"

"Please Doctor," Rose begged. "It will make you feel better, I promise!"

"Nononononono!" The Doctor shook his head madly as he backed towards the door. "Ohhh Rose, my head hurts. Why does my head hurt so bad?"

Rose watched as his body suddenly turned rigid and his eyes rolled eyes. She noticed his body swaying

and just managed to catch him before he hit the ground.

"Doctor," She called, gently tapping his cheek. "Are you ok?"

The man in question groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "Please don't ever do that again Rose." He gasped breathlessly.

Rose smiled and placed his head on her lap, gently stroking his hair. "Welcome back." She smiled and kissed his forehead.

The Doctor merely sighed and shut his eyes, quickly falling asleep. Rose rolled her eyes and grabbed him a pillow and blanket before retiring to her own room. She was exhausted.

* * *

**So? What did you think? Y'alls reviews determine my future as far as Doctor Who fics go, so let me know. Or if have any ideas you would like to see written, if I like them I might give it a go. So PM or review! :)**


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